I Ain’t A Saint But Some Folks Is (quiz contest)
Saints don’t faint with fear They grumble no complaint When faced with problems far and near
Do we understand the saints? How did they get so goddamn good? I’m afraid we ain’t Learning what we should
About the mind Of humans who are super kind - Let’s examine - seven people who would be in heaven If such a place was real
I will show you seven drawings of saints - you won’t recognize them because I can’t draw at all - but I will give you hints and you will be applauded if you guess correctly:
Dorothy Day
She believed soup kitchens were more revolutionary than speeches. She lived in voluntary poverty in New York City. She was arrested repeatedly for pacifism. She co-founded the Catholic Worker Movement.
Thich Nhat Hanh
He said washing dishes can be an act of enlightenment. He was exiled from his homeland during war. He coined the term “Engaged Buddhism.” He was Vietnamese but he lived in Plum Village in France
Malala Yousafzai
She advocates for girls’ education globally. She survived an assassination attempt as a teenager. She is the youngest Nobel Peace Prize laureate.
Nelson Mandela
He spent 27 years in prison. He emerged without calling for revenge. He led the end of apartheid.
Harriet Tubman
She escaped slavery She was called “Moses.” She led dozens to freedom on the Underground Railroad.
Peter Singer
He argues that failing to prevent suffering is morally serious. He donates a large portion of his income. He helped popularize effective altruism. He wrote “Animal Liberation.”
Greta Thunberg
She refuses to fly because of emissions. She began protesting alone outside a parliament. She told world leaders: “How dare you.” She sparked a global youth climate movement.
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There’s one more face that we must do I’ll give to you Just one clue The person you see has the potential to be A saint But they ain’t YET
(I carry a mirror around that audience members can see themselves in)
I Am God - Ask Me Anything
Jesus Christ appears, he says, “I am Jesus, ask me anything”
Reporter #1 asks: “How can God be one person, but also three people? Father Son and Holy Spirit ? I don’t understand this.”
Jesus: Oh no, a Unitarian! Go Away! Where the fuck am I? Next question, please.
Reporter #2: “God is all-powerful, right? He’s also full of love and compassion, right?”
Jesus: “Yes, absolutely”
Reporter #2: “So why does the innocent suffering of children — exist? Why does He allow that to happen, if he’s powerful enough to prevent it, and he’s really good?”
Jesus: “it’s a Divine Mystery that you are too primitive to understand.”
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Allah appears as a black square with “Allah” written on it in Arabic
Allah: “I am Allah. My appearance is beyond human imagination and cannot be visualized. I am Allah, ask me anything.”
Reporter #3: “If the future is already determined by you, how can humans be morally responsible? They don’t have free will, so they can’t change what’s already decreed.”
Allah: “You are free to choose what I already know you are going to choose.”
Reporter #4: “You are Allah, the All-Merciful. You are also the Ever-Forgiving？
Allah: “Yes, and I have 97 other honorific names too -
Reporter #4: “ Allah, if you have infinite mercy, why do you punish people with torturous eternity in Hell？
Allah: “The Koran says, ‘Do not ask of the things which, if made manifest to you, would vex you.’”
Reporter #4: “ I don’t think the answer would vex me.’
Allah: “It would vex you, so I’m not going to tell you.”
Reporter #4: “I am vexed because you’re not answering my question.”
Allah: “YOU ARE VEXING ME!!!”
—
Shiva appears (Hindu god)
Shiva: I am Shiva, ask me anything
Reporter #1: “Shiva, you are the destroyer-god. How do we know when something is sacred destruction or just a natural catastrophe like a tsunami?”
Shiva: “Hindus have more holidays than any other religion. We have more holidays than days of the year. Next question.”
Reporter #2: “Hinduism believes a person’s caste status is determined by past-life karma, but is this scientific if there’s no evidence of one’s behavior in a previous life?”
Shiva: “We drink cow urine to prevent Covid.”
Reporter #2: “You aren’t answering my questions.”
Shiva: “Hinduism is the oldest religion. The Mahabharata is twice as long as the Bible.”
—-
Buddha appears
“I am Buddha, ask me anything”
Reporter #3: “you say there is no self, but if there is no self, what is reborn?
Buddha: “Not exactly you. But not exactly not-you.”
Reporter #4: “You want us to not have attachments, but you want us to love each other deeply. How can we love without attachment ? “
Buddha: “Just Be mindful while you are confused.”
—-
Donald Trump appears in the middle of the American Flag
DT: “Why wasn’t I invited to this? I should be the Pope. I deserve the Nobel Peace Prize. I am the greatest President of all time, anywhere.”
(Reporter #1 raises hand, “I have a question”)
DT: “Shut up, Put your hand down. You’re disgusting.”
Reporter #1: “Did you molest children?”
DT: “Those other guys you had on before me? They’re losers. None of those guys would win an election against me unless they cheat. I heard some of them have a billion followers, but that’s fake news. I’m going to deport them all. That Jesus guy - that’s a Mexican name. He’s probably selling fentanyl he got from the two Chinese guys. ”
Pick Your Spiritual Path
We want to be kind, generous, gentle We're tired of drama, emotional, mental We want to be giddy with delight We want to be ecstatic, all day, all night - am I right?
We need a discipline to help us transform We want to wake up feeling reborn Let's look at 10 paths to inner peace From New Guinea to Ancient Greece
Path #1
The Sun Dance Ceremony of Lakota Sioux Hang in the air, eagle claws in your boobs the pain you endure is horribly huge is this something you gladly choose?
Path #2
Running through mountains, the Tendai cult of Japan 52 miles a day for a 100 day span followed by a week of no food, water or sleep you fail if your willpower isn’t deep Who wants to chase enlightenment this way?
Path #3
Is spinning what you wish? Want to be a Sufi dervish? It’s popular with Turkish and the Kurdish You circle round like Rumi - dizzy with divine love Ego annihilated by Allah above All in favor, twirl your fingers
Path #4
Do you want an animal guide? An elk, a wolf, a snake, a crow? to tell you what you need to know? I suggest a vision quest wander wild ‘til you hear a beastly voice anyone here, want this choice?
Path #5
Ayahuasca DMT Hallucinations can set you free Lick the Desert Toad and see Parallel Universe Entities Who wants to get Angelic ingesting Psychedelics?
Path #6
Diogenes - the Cynical Ascetic Slept naked dirty in the street, but he didn't feel pathetic He was free of shame he didn’t care what people think He didn’t care about his stink Who wants to pursue this philosophic avenue?
Path #7
Mindful Meditation, Vipassana or Zen Count 2,000 inhalations, then count them all again Breathe in breathe out The Boredom makes you fart and shout Who wants to sit and sit and sit? Raise your fully conscious fist
Path #8
Do you want to be Pentecostal? Want Jesus to save your soul? Want to babble in tongues, charismatic Maybe shake and roll Around Upon the ground Like you're possessed by voodoo does this appeal to you? Raise your hands — hallelujah
Path #9
Dionysian worshipers just get drunk on wine Music, dancing, ecstasy, a rave in BC time Ritual intoxication Produces transformation Who wants to get loose on fermented grape-god juice?
Path #10
Mud-People from New Guinea Wear masks made of clay The purpose is to frighten Evil spirits away singing - Begone, begone, all enemies Leave our tribe alone Do not steal from our yam fields do not pollute our homes Who wants this superstitious path?
Path #11
And finally we have the service path Thich Nhat Hanh and Dorothy Day helping others was their way Transformation through compassion mindfulness in social action engaged spirituality to improve personality?
Summary
We are now finished I hope you located A path that gets you situated on a journey to a better you
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